Enjoying the Journey (warning: philosophical)

Eleven and a half years ago, a sweet baby boy was born to me and placed in my arms on the delivery table.  His eyes were already turning brown and he accidentally smiled, showing off the dimple in his right cheek.  2 years later, he was diagnosed with autism, and I was informed that he'd probably never talk and would certainly never have a relationship with anyone.

There is no way to explain autism.  The experience itself is the only explanation.  I will say that I felt a huge loss of the brown eyed, dimpled baby who had developed normally up to that point. His look became vacant and in the private world he had created for himself, I no longer occupied a position.  It was as though I had vanished from his conscious reality.  

I grieved.  I fought against it.  I was unhappy, and I couldn't see any way to become happy without a miracle.  I existed this way for 2 more years as I fought to teach him to "be normal."  I gained weight and got even less happy.  I slept very little.  

Then, I discovered a program for our whole family that brought me to my own realizations.  If I am unhappy, then I have chosen to be.  While it's true that autism wasn't in my plans and that the son I thought I had, turned out to be another and autism is not what I wanted, why do I choose to be unhappy about it?  I asked myself lots of questions and discovered that I thought I needed to be unhappy in order to do as much to help him as I can.  I asked myself more questions and discovered that I can do all those things without the unhappiness, and in fact, I am more effective when I choose happiness.  Let me tell you, it IS a choice.  I could *easily* be unhappy, but that really gets me nowhere and only slows me down.  I've learned more from this one little boy than I had learned in my life up to this point, and I am now able to realize that it is MY choice...I am in control...the circumstances don't control me...my beliefs about those circumstances are the key.  So, in everything, I look at the curcumstance...(my lack of fitness, for example)...what I believe about it (also a choice)...and how I will feel about it becomes within my own control.  That being said, I am not saying that it's easy or that I'm amazing...I'm saying that we all have a choice to let unhappiness paralyze us or to choose happiness that can move us forward.  

The song in my slideshow really says it better...THIS is the only moment you can do anything about.  What will it be?  Will you enjoy the journey?  'Cuz  life is moment-by-moment.